But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
