he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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