We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
