I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
