No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
