Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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