dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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