Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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