The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
