I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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