I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
