All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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