my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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