yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
