i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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