Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I enjoy the company of your penis
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