I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
