you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
