Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
