He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
