I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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