I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
