Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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