She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
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