Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
