This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
