I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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