Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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