dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
