My first STD was from a foam party
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
