I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
