I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
