I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
