I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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