..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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