Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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