The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
