I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I could make wine with my vomit
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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