the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
