Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
