I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Randomize
