Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
