And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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