guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
