sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
