Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
