My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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