while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
It's never too late to be topless.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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