I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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