I hate all girls vehemently.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
