I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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