I think i peed on brittanys purse
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
